


For Forever

by Star_Jelly



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: AU, Angst and Feels, Feels, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22749661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_Jelly/pseuds/Star_Jelly
Summary: I’m gonna be honest, this is just me making an AU where Connor doesn’t die and him and Evan both become friends and get help
Kudos: 12





	For Forever

**Author's Note:**

> So if you’ve read the summary, you know what this is about. Ik I’m super late to the party on this, idek if anyone is still super into DEH, but I just started reading the novel and got thrown back into the fandom because of it.  
> This story starts right after Connor finds out about Evan’s letter and storms out of the computer lab.  
> Idk how much or how often I’ll be updating tbh, this is all very much a spur of the moment thing. I just want Connor to have a happy ending

Heavy boots pounded against the linoleum floor and the surrounding crowd of students parted like the Red Sea as Connor Murphy walked down the hall, further souring his mood from what had just transpired. He kept his head low as he clutched the piece of crumpled paper in his hand. No one knew what the paper was save for him and Evan Hanson, who was now trailing after him.  
Evan had to get that letter back. He had to explain everything to Connor. What if he showed it to Zoe? What if he showed it to the whole school? He’d instantly be pegged as a creepy stalker who writes weird notes to himself about a girl in the school. No. He couldn’t let that happen. He had to do something. He supposed this could be some form of “seizing the day.”  
Evan turned the corner just in time to see him stalk out of one of the school’s exits. Trying his best to quickly squeeze his way past everyone else without making a scene, he quickly darted out the door. But he had disappeared. Shit. Shitshitshitshit.  
He couldn’t let this happen. He had to be here somewhere. Ok, calm down. There wasn’t much on this end of the school to begin with so he couldn’t have gone far. Just follow the edge of the building and you have to find something, right? That was his only real lead anyway.  
Evan finally found him at the back of the school, standing slumped against a wall, head hung low and obscured by his overgrown hair, still clutching the letter.  
“Connor.” He tried to speak, but it came out weak, barely even audible. Connor didn’t even hear him.  
He could hear him breathing from where he stood, heavy and shallow. Wait. Was he...crying? The sound shocked Evan as it was something he hadn’t seen him do since grade school.  
“Still expecting me to freak out over your stupid letter?” Evan jumped. He didn’t think Connor knew he was there. “Too bad. It’s not gonna happen.”  
Evan took a deep breath. “Listen Connor, you weren’t supposed to see that letter, no one was supposed to see it.”  
“Then why the fuck did you write it?” His voice came out in a quiet growl.  
“It’s...because it’s...”  
“It’s what?”  
Evan hung his head. “It’s a therapy thing.” There was silence between them. The words practically choked Evan on the way out, but he had to keep going now.  
“I-I go to therapy. My therapist wants me to write these letters to myself saying why it’ll be a good day, but today wasn’t a good day. I was just venting. I just started typing and that came out. No one was supposed to see it.” More silence between them. A pit formed in Evan’s throat. He had been invisible his whole life and now someone was seeing him in the worst way. No one needed to know he was going to therapy. No one needed to know that he was struggling. And what if Connor didn’t believe them? What if he told the whole school get back at him for the letter?  
“If no one was supposed to see it,” Connor began again, gritting his teeth. “Why did you print it?”  
“I did it on autopilot. I wasn’t thinking. After I did it, I was just gonna throw it away. Or let it sit at the bottom of my backpack and get crushed. Y’know, like old homework assignments do?”  
Connor wasn’t even looking at him. But Evan could see his fists unclench a little. He heard a heavy sigh from beneath his mop of hair.  
He held out a hand. “Just give it back to me. I’ll get rid of it. We never have to talk about it again. We never have to speak to each other again if you don’t want to, just give me the letter. Please.”  
Connor lifted his head, his hair falling back and revealing his face. He had indeed been crying; his eyes were red and puffy. But his eyes were still narrowed. Evan wasn’t in the clear yet.  
“Why is so much of your life ‘pinned on zoe’?”  
God dammit. Why this? Why did he have to write that in that stupid letter? He couldn’t get out of this one. Connor was standing in front of him, glaring and expecting an answer. He couldn’t just shrug it off, but telling the truth would mean certain death. He couldn’t think of a lie fast enough, not one that wouldn’t sound ridiculous anyway.  
He looked at the ground. Before he could stop himself, he spoke: “Because she’s the only one so far who’s treated me like I’m normal.”  
Silence. Any minute now, he thought, any minute now and Connor’s gonna beat the everloving shit out of me.  
The sound of paper ripping cut through their silence and Evan looked up to see Connor ripping the letter to tiny shreds and letting them flutter to the ground, stomping them beneath his heavy boots. He let out a sigh of relief. He’d narrowly avoided the worst case scenario.  
“Thank you.” The sentence came out way too breathy. Had he been holding his breath this whole time?  
“Do you still have that sharpie?”  
Wait, what?  
“I’m...I'm sorry?”  
“Do you?”  
Without thinking, he reached into his bag and pulled it out, handing it to Connor. He bit the cap off and grabbed Evan’s arm, the one that didn’t have a cast on it. A minute later, he put the cap back on the sharpie and handed it to Evan, who was looking at what was scrawled on his arm inquisitively.  
“That’s my email address. It’s depressing as fuck that you only talk to yourself.”  
Without another word, Connor turned and walked away, leaving Evan standing there staring at him as he left. We’re they still “pretending” they were friends?


End file.
